Casting Couch

Alright people, we have a CHD first. Something I've never done, but thought about doing. And now I am extremely nervous. Because Julia Roberts has suggested we have ourselves a little video chat.

Which in a way is genius, because we'll know in a few minutes whether or not we want to even bother meeting over a drink or whatever. However, that first meeting is always so weird because you're immediately judging him. Of course I'll look over what he's wearing, if he's shaven in the last 2 weeks and whether his apartment has seen a mop, ever. It's like an animated profile picture.

In that first 5-second scan, you've decided whether or not you want to have this person in your life any further. If you do, suddenly you're consumed with wonder and worry as to whether he shares the interest, and if you don't, well, you're busy trying to hatch an escape plan.

It is nice to know I can always just x-out of the chat window and block him from my life forever if he's a total weirdo. You'd think that after exchanging a few emails, I'd know if he was a complete maniac, but you'd be surprised. Sometimes the craziest people are the best corresponders.

Of course he could be thinking the same thing. Perhaps he'll find me hideous and would rather get a perm than talk to me for one more second. Then suddenly we're like Billy the Kid and Annie Oakley, twirling our shotguns, kicking some brush, waiting to see who x's the other out first. Hopefully it doesn't come to that, and we can end our convo with plans for the future or a polite sayonara.

What do you even wear to these things? It's not like you put on some scandalous black number and when he hops online you're all giggly and "Oh hey Brad, I wasn't expecting you!" as you lay on your bed and flip through Ladies Home Journal. It needs to be casual. Like a sweater and a beverage of choice, sitting on the couch with the appropriate amount of lamps turned on so I'm not Casper but I'm also not lurking in some creepy love cave.

If he rings in at 8, I'll know by 8:01 whether we're going to pursue this past a web chat. I wonder if he's nervous. Maybe he'll be over in his apartment pacing around a bit staring at the laptop sitting on his bed, then do a few quick push-ups, stretch his neck side to side, look in the mirror and say, "Let's do this thing!"

Here goes nothing.