Much Ado About Nothing

So, a few weeks ago I wrote about a man who thought kidnapping was a fun idea for a first date. AKA go see a concert in the next state over. Well, I put the kibosh on him and his stupid idea and never heard from him again.

Mind you, we never met in person. We only spent the standard 30 minutes appraising the small collection of profile photos we each posted of ourselves, looking our most fabulous. Do you ever wonder why people do that? I mean I’m guilty of it as well, but come on. Why don’t people just cut the crap and post a photo they took of themselves when they first woke up (does anyone do that)? Or when they’re bedridden with the flu? Or after several beers in the August heat after a rousing football-season tailgate where they may have made the unfortunate decision to pose making a peace sign with a bunch of sailors and perhaps their right sleeve may have been the victim of a drive-by drink spilling. Because chances are, if you end up dating them, you’ll be witnessing all of these looks. It's all downhill from the profile pic, am I right?

Plus, if you can take his bed-head or her makeup-less face and that adorable pillow imprint in her cheek, you know it’s ON.

Anyway, back to the kidnapper. I was out at noon today, about to make the most important decision of my Tuesday, staring up at the Au Bon Pain menu, when I sensed someone looking at me. Naturally, I turned to find out if someone was looking at me. And someone was. There, in a striped button-down and grey slacks (guys look so cute in business casual; it’s like they’re playing dress up in their dad’s closet) was a cute, somewhat familiar-looking brunette man who quickly turned away from me, but then looked back quickly and looked away again.

Immediately I thought, “How do I know you?” For the next couple of seconds, we played eye-contact ping pong. I’d sneak a peek, and then turn back to the sandwich board above our heads, and then he’d sneak a peek, back and forth. Finally, it hit me. HE’S THE CONCERT GUY!!!

So now I was trying not to laugh, because it was completely awkward. He asked me out, I blew him off, and we’ve never been in the same room ever, but know each other.

I stepped up to order my sandwich, and then made my way to the soda fountain. He followed, and I had this tiny urge to say something, but then he got on his Blackberry, and the moment passed.

He was cute. But then again, so was Ted Bundy. And we all know how that worked out.

Still, I experienced a brief “what if?” moment on my walk back to the office, the turkey sandwich in my hand the only thing we'd ever experience together. "What if" moments are like bikes without wheels. They won't get you anywhere.

Since he’s the first person I’ve seen IRL who I met online but never went on a date with, I’m not sure what the protocol is. If you both recognize each other, do you say hello? Do you just play dumb and pretend you don’t know who they are?

Someone call me a witch doctor, 'cause I'm clearly knee-deep in a dry spell.