You're Outta Here!

In our last episode, I introduced you all to engineer extraordinaire, Lex Luthor. Well we had made plans to get drinks last week on a patio, but then I canceled because it was a Tuesday night and the start of my beach volleyball league. But now the ball’s in my court, and I’m not so sure I want to even meet this man. Because I’m getting the feeling that he’s kind of....a douchebag.

The first time we chatted was via text convo. Which is pretty lame, if you ask me. What happened to days of yore, when the boy called the girl’s house, holding his breath, sweaty palms clutching his post-it containing his conversation points, praying her father didn’t answer, or that the breathing on the other line wasn’t her nosy little brother listening in on him ask her to the movies, his ego and street cred all on the line for 10 little words.

Anyway, Lex texted me to say that I should pick a day and we’d meet at this beer patio in between our ‘hoods and have some drinks. And he added, “Because I’m pretty busy and see no point in texting back and forth if only to meet and not hit it off.” Umm okay. I get that you don’t want a pen pal. Fine.

So I said that sounded good, and to tell me what his schedule was like.

Well this was right before Memorial Day weekend, and we both had fam coming to town, so he said, “Let’s try for June.” So Memorial Day comes and goes, and on the second of June I get a text from Mr. Luthor, asking if I could meet that following Tuesday.  Not realizing that my league started that night, I gave him the green light for our first date.

Four days before the big date, I realize my scheduling error (how could I forget beach volleyball??!!) and texted Lex with the news. He replied with, “Sure. I’m pretty busy so shoot me a date and we’ll make it happen.”

Well I went on my merry way through the weekend, not really thinking much more about the convo. Three days later, I shot him a text saying, “Wanna reschedule?” to which he replied, “So you’re telling me there’s a chance?” Thinking he was referencing Dumb and Dumber, I jokingly replied, “I’m tellin’ you there’s a chance!”

I don’t think he got the joke, because his text tone was as sour as a jar of lemon juice. “Okay. Well I’m really busy so you just tell me a date and we’ll make it happen. Good luck to you!”

Wait, what? Good luck?

He’s kind of a pissypants, if you ask me.  So I replied, “You too!” not really knowing why we were wishing each other luck, but not one to deal with passive aggression via text message.

Last night he asked me what my week looked like, and I haven’t replied to him yet. Idk. I get a bad vibe from him. If he’s this short and douchebaggy with a total stranger, what’s he going to be like to a girlfriend?

Whether he’s just a big fat jerk, or jaded from the dating scene, I don’t really care. I do not need to waste my time finding out.

But just in time, a super cute teacher who works with kids who have special needs and coaches baseball has come up to bat. We're getting together for appetizers this Thursday. 

So he's changing kids' lives and basically saving the world every day. I'm pretty excited about breaking bread with Superman.

Batter Up!

There couldn't be a better time of year to be on the dating scene. The temperature is rising, the sun is finally coming out of hibernation, and that familiar, warm summer wind is seeping through the city streets, luring all the single people out of their sky caves to the beer gardens, beaches and bike paths. It's ON!

So what better way to get things poppin’ then to step back up to the dating plate. Let me get you up to speed on what’s happened in my love life in the past few weeks:…………nothing. While some of you thought I was busy seeing someone, I in fact was busy seeing something. Something called Operation New Job. I was like the Bond of the job boards and kids, I’m pleased to say, mission: accomplished.

And with this wonderful turn of events has come a wonderful turn of the seasons, and I’ve hit the dating ground running. And although April showers have come and gone, in my world it’s apparently raining men. Well, maybe it’s more like sprinkling men. Whatever. There’s precipitation.

First we have a gentleman who lives in the city and is an engineer. More like enginerd! Jk. He’s tall with glasses and has a sarcastic sense of humor (hey now!) and I have agreed to hang out sometime soon. He’s a friend of a friend of a friend, so if he ends up being a total weirdo and I excuse myself to the restroom and flee through the window, I won’t have to worry about offending my friend. It’s always nice to have a mutual friend, because it’s like having a reference. An instant background check.

Anyway, Lex Luthor* asked me to drinks next week. I just hope he doesn’t show up with three phones, a Bluetooth and his iPad. And a pocket protector.

As for my elevator beau Heaven on Seven, sigh, I haven’t seen him in a few weeks. Alas, I fear our hero has perhaps moved on to newer high rises and roomier elevators. But apparently my building has no shortage of cute men, because I got on last night to find two tall drinks of water speaking to each other in French. FRENCH GUYS!!! Then I heard one say, “basketball.” MANLY FRENCH GUYS!!! That’s like the holy grail.

Five minutes after our rendezvous (although it was really more like me trying to interpret what they were discussing), I got a text from a major blast from the past. Does the Traveling Salesman ring a bell? The man who thought our first date should involve beers and a hot tub.

I haven’t spoken to that man since last July, and he leads with, “What up?”

What up?? Who says that to someone they a.) hardly know, and b.) haven’t spoken to in almost a year?

What up is you looking for a booty call. Homey don’t play that. Delete.

There is another gentleman who I met via the world of Internet dating a few months ago, but he has been one state away finishing up his MBA program and will be moving here in a few weeks. So we’ve never met in person. I’m like one of those women who write to men in prison.

Anyway, after investigating his Facebook profile and partaking in several Gchats, I’ve found him seemingly adorable and intelligent. And totally cute. And he’s asked me to help decorate his apartment. So he’s a strong candidate.

But we’re still taking applications.

 *Nickname courtesy of my big bro who, conveniently, is a computer engineer and speaks fluent Nerd. Today’s lesson: Lex Luthor is the ultimate evil engineer and recently won Best Engineer in Comic Books of All Time.