Lactose Intolerant

Can we take a minute to talk about something that really makes me cringe? Like appetite-suppressing, frown-inducing full-on nausea? As you might have picked up by now, I have a fairly low tolerance for the cheese and the sleaze.

So when a cute guy (ahem Bob Loblaw) I’ve been texting with starting slipping in the occasional Babe or Hun, I was extremely disappointed. It’s the sleaze, it’s the cheese and, as we all know, the cheese stands alone. Ow!


I’m a classy, intelligent, fully employed member of society, not some fake blonde in pleather pants and a cut-off bebe t-shirt. Although I did own a black bebe t-shirt for a hot minute in college, that had their name in rhinestones across the chest. That I wore to frat parties, confident guys would be unable to resist a girl with fake diamonds glued to a cotton shirt.

Anyway, this misogynism shrouded in a cloak of smoothness is really a downward slope. Because if you start out as Hun, suddenly you’re Baby, and then one day you wake up and you’re just Ho. (Or as my dad thinks it's said, Skank-Ho.)

While I’m always turned off by the audacity and sheer ignorance of a guy I barely know calling me Sweetie, there must be a ton of girls who like this behavior because a lot of guys do it. Or maybe these women are just tolerating it for the attention? Do they actually like being a Hun?

Why don’t you just call me Sugar, pat me on the butt and tell me your beer isn’t going to refill itself?

Bottom line, the Babe-caller isn't going to try and get to know you. He's going to try and charm your pants off. Literally. He probably imagines if he focuses hard enough, your pants will actually take themselves off while he pretends to laugh at your joke and refills your vodka tonic. So the second a guy plays the Sweetie card, you'd be wise to politely move along.

Or put on an apron and get moving. That beer really isn't going to refill itself.