Creepin'

It’s amazing what you can find simply by looking someone up on Google. And don’t tell me you’ve never done it. I’ve Googled myself, I’ve Googled my family, I’ve Googled my ex-boyfriends, and of course every guy who I’ve met online and gotten his last name.

It's a great way to pass the time. I found photos a guy posted of his new car (nerd), videos a swimmer posted of himself discussing swim meets (bigger nerd), and blog entries one gentleman wrote about girls in bikinis (creepy nerd).

There was a guy who had a very unique last name, and when I searched for him I found links to some 5k race times, his Facebook profile which I couldn’t see without being his friend, and then one link to a little news story from 2003 about a hate crime someone with his name had committed in Canada. And was still on the loose. And upon doing the math, I realized they were the same age.

Naturally I did what any girl in this situation would do, and called up Jessica Fletcher. I got her machine, so instead I asked our suspect if he ever Googled himself. He asked what I found when Googling him, and I mentioned the little story, to which he replied sarcastically (I assume), “I’ve committed many hate crimes in Canada, but I’ve never been caught. So it can’t be me.”

I said something stupid like, “Glad to hear it,” and we haven’t spoken since. Probably because he thought I was a creepy stalker who sat around twirling my hair, blowing bubbles with my gum while Googling him. Or he’s a violently homophobic psycho.

Which makes me wonder just how many psychos are online dating. What’s to stop Ted Kaczynski from setting up a dating profile? “Hey, name’s Ted. I enjoy math, snail mail, and complete and total seclusion, and I’m really just looking for someone to share that with. Don’t be shy! Lol.”

I don’t care how good he looks in orange; any guy who suggests a conjugal visit for your first date isn't going home to meet Mom and Dad.